You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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