you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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