did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.