you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My feet surprised me
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
