haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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