Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She's the barista slut.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
