I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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