3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
