I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
