either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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