Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he's gonorrhea incarnate
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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