i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
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I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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