i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
should my penis look like a turkey
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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