Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
