Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
