When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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