just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
