I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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