Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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