What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
