Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
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Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
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Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize