I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I FOUND THE LEGS
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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