I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
