it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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