im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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