She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
