he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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