If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
