do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
