Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
