Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
