Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
