Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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