All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So vagazzling was a success
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
