i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
