Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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