So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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