I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
