No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
