she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
