i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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