is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Do vagina's smell?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
