Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
