R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
