so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize