You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
