one might say we're banned from that church
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
