just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
