I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
