I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Drake has all the answers
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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