last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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