I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
