I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
