I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
