Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
