I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
