K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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