I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
