you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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