Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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