and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
