There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
