sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
