True but thats because hes a fetus.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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