I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
This house was built for laser tag.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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