I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize