i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
me + whiskey = a bad person
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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