omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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